Just a Regular Shoe Car Pic

These are quite common now...not. Im trying to work out what the intention of this shoe car - or is that car shoe is. Looks like it drives although the windscreen looks obscured by stripes. I guess its just for promotion, perhaps for Reebok? Smart car designers.

Really Scared on the Rollercoaster Ride

I think this guy has timed the photo to perfection. Knowing exactly where the camera was placed, he made this face. Or did he? Perhaps his face is always like that. Doesnt look like a very scary rollercoaster ride does it?

Riding to Work Day Photo

Not quite what you had in mind for ride to work day is it? But this guy has his hands pretty much free and can conduct his business on the cell phone. Better than you can do while riding your bike hey?

Tell The Massage Nerd Your Stories

Yep, im going to tell this guy all my stories about massage. Its weird, but i like the cut of this guys jib.

Freaking Hillarious Massage Video

I dont know what it is about this massage video that i find freakin hillarious, but damn, i laughed the whole way through. Maybe its the checked towels covering the girls, well..hmm, private parts, or maybe its the fat guy giving the instruction. This is way out funny. I think so anyway, but im a bit odd.

Latest Seatbelt Innovation Photo

So not only is this guy driving one handed, talking on a microphone, but his seatbelt is connected by a rubber elastic band. Yeah, that will help you heaps in a crash. You idiot. Stupid stupid drivers.

Daro Lan Retard Capsules

Yeah - you should always have a packet of retard capsules on hand. I know of one person with minor mental issues who could use these. Now all my friends will have the complex....is he talking about me?

One Really Long Motorcycle

Im thinking it didnt come from the factory like this. Looks like you could fit half a dozen passengers on this motorbike. Cool.

Happy Feet Funny Socks

Nice that in addition to all the different colors on these socks, they have taken the time to put on little smiley faces. But hey, i dont want to see you guys wearing them ok?

New Environmentally Friendly Mower

Hey it looks like an interesting idea - a push mower attached to the front of a bike. I wonder if it works. Probably does. Not sure why you would need to be riding a bike. Wouldnt it just be easier to push the mower as it was intended. Good for all those people we see riding to work - they can ride on nature strips and cut the grass on the way. Thanks.

Broken Down Plane Needs a Push

Just make sure it is running down hill so we can give it a kick start. I dont know which airline it is, but im sure if i see that logo on the tailwaing, i wont be getting on board.

Drunk Knows When to Go Home Joke

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench, and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and Orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at Least an hour and a half.

Finally the bartender, bursting with curiosity, says, "I know it's none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the Whole "drink, look in pocket, cringe, and order another one" routine?"

"Well," slurred the man, "There's a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it's time for me to Go home."

Blondes in Space Joke

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, They called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want? To go to and why?"

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars, because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the Sun."

The people from NASA replied, "Why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you Guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

Vacuum the Lawn Funny Photo

Yes, its better than a leaf blower - they just move the leaves and garden stuff from one place to another. This guy has decided on something better than that. I'm guessing he is vacuuming up all the loose grass that he has just cut.

Funny Rush Hour at the Nursing Home

Or is is a retirement village. Either way, Dinner must be served cos there is a traffic jam of wheelchairs lining up. I love how they are all so orderly.

Funniest Blonde Sister & Mother Joke

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

To which the blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day - we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual, saying "If you need anything, just let me know."

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying. He rushes out to her, asking, "Are you ok?"

"No," exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mother died too!"

Funny Mother In Law Kiss My...

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

“ My darling," he replied, "thinks nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Being Lazy at Work Joke

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up?"

Nine hands went up.

"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.

"Too much trouble," came the reply.

Old Man Connection with God Joke

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

Oh my God!" Ethel exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!

Dont Send the Wrong Card with Flowers

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location!'"

A Good Deed Will Get You Into Heaven

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, 'I don't really see that you ever really did anything great in your life, but I don't see anything really bad either.'

'Tell you what,' St. Peter says. 'If you can tell me of one REALLY good deed you did in your life, I'll let you in.'

The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'OK, well there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em torturing this woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members formed a circle around me.

'So, I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron,' the guy says. 'Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you all a lesson in pain!'

St. Peter, duly impressed, says 'Wow! When did this happen?'

'Just a couple of minutes ago.'

Cops Love Their Dunkin Donuts

No, its not an urban myth. Cops do love donuts. These guys look like they love them very much.

Old Couple Visit Doctor Joke

This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said, "Where are you going ?"

He said, "I'm going to the doctor."

And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"

She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."

He said, "Why?
"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

Dont Miss the Ferry in Manhattan

This guy loved living on Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

At the Crash Site Joke

At the crash site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.

"Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside the lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror on their faces and hung his own head in shame.

"You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

Dreaming of Mice Joke

Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top.

"What's in that box?" Mrs. Riddle asked.

"A cat," Mrs. Biddle answered.

"What for?"

"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared of mice. The cat is to catch them."

"But the mice you dream about are imaginary," said Mrs. Riddle.

Mrs. Biddle turned to her friend and whispered, "So is the cat."

Funny Bull Joke and Kid

Little farmboy comes in late for school. Teacher asks why he's late. Farmboy replies that he had to take the family cow over to the neighbour's to get her bred by a bull.

Annoyed, teacher demands, "Can't your father do that?" Little farm boy thinks for a moment: replies, "Well, sure... but the bull can do it better."

New Funny Definitions

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.

SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in a divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Tourists - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

Dancing Baloney - Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."

PEBCAK - Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system.")

Square-headed Girlfriend - Another word for a computer. The victim of a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."

A Tricky Education Job Interview

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants, one of which would get the job.

The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.

Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.

He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.

Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not
fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."

Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"

"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."

"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"

"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"

Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."

Minister and Child on a Plane Joke

On a crowded airliner a five-year-old boy is throwing a wild temper tantrum.

No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly minister slowly walks forward up the aisle.

Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the minister leans down and whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.

All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the minister slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the stewardesses takes him by the sleeve.

"Excuse me, reverend," she ways quietly, "but what magic words did you use on that little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently says, "i told him if he didn't cut that s*** out, i'd kick his f****** ass to the moon."

Easy Rubiks Cube for Idiots Photo

Dotn worry - id still mess it up. I could never solve a rubiks cube. yes, im an idiot.

Latest Microsoft Keyboard

Its a simple design - but its all you will need. Trust me.

Anti Theft Car Device Chain

I think that is a chain attached to the car. Do they not want it to be stolen? I dunno, if i owned that car, id be hoping someone took it away.

The Exam Do You Know Who I Am Ad

This is a great ad. Some students are clever.

The Crazy Japanese Wave Pool

Ok, i thought the guy almost getting hit by an out of control rally car was scary.

No, that was perfectly fine in comparison to this.Crazy and scary all at once. Imagine being a lifeguard, trying to keep an eye on this.

Funny Girl Stuck In Game Machine

Looks like it wasnt just the kid in the Northern Territory, Australia that got himself stuck in a prize machine. Yes, he was following in a fine tradition of a young girl who managed to climb inside one, on the other side of the world

This footage is classic. Make sure you watch until at least a minute in, you think she is lost in the hole, and then......pop! How happy does she look?

Regular Every Day Normal Guy Funny

Yet another great parody on gangsta rappin. Cool.

Never Hit an Indian Woman

Umm, crazy. Crazy, crazy. Just got to love all the people coming into camera view, just to stand around and do nothing.

New Wheels On The Block

Its nice that people are able to laughat themselves, or see the brighter side of life. But hang on, whats with the gay reference? Weirdos.

Malaysian Indian Michael Jackson Idol

Seems this is quite a popular video. He's really very good. Well, not really.

The Close Call Irish Car Rally

Seriously, how close a call is this? Not only does the photographer narrowly avoid getting killed, he acts as if nothing has happened, and goes back to his business of being a photographer. Wow - the media - its like they arent human!

NWA Help the Police

Great English Version of NWA's controversial song. This one is suitable for kids - funny.

Oops - Who First to the Tollbooth?

Id just like to know how they got this far along to the the tollbooth. The approach doesnt look terribly wide does it? Just goes to show how far some stupid people will go just to get one car ahead. Idiots.

Love The Stutter Rap

This is one for all of you kids from the 80's...yeah, i loved this song too..

Created by a group known as Morris Minor and the Majors as a spoof of the Beastie Boys. Its very catchy. Good luck getting the chorus out of your head.

Maybe im odd, but I still think its funny. Probably beacaue it features the great comedian Tony Hawks - no, not the skateboarder.

But Do You Know Who I Am?

Eddie Izzard is a terribly clever comedian - quirky and possibly a little mad like myself, but clever. A Death Star Canteen - who would have thought of it.

"You're Mr Stevens?"

Irish Barack Obama

Yep, there is noone as Irish as Barack Obama. Classic.

Gotta Love Fox News

Bias? Nahh. Check out the woman who stops her man raising his hand for McCain. He's now an Obama fan. Nice laughter in the background when he calls this one split. They aint stupid.

Where the Hell is Matt

Im going to make an early call and say that the following video of where the hell is matt, will be youtube video of the year. Its truly amazing. Well done!

And another prediction, Palbasha Siddique who does the vocals here will be the next big thing. I will say that this video will do for Palbasha Siddique the same thing that Free Hugs did for the Sick Puppies. And rightly so. Talented? You bet!

Cute Kid

So cute! How talented is she to remember all the words?

Hey Jude

I think this child is wearing a nappy. That being said, im quite sure he has a better voice than Paul McCartney. Good on ya little fella.

Funny Man Table Photo

Whats funny about this table photo? And how on earth do we know that this photo was taken by a man. Hmmm. Take a very close look.


Still dont get it? Take a look in the mirror. Oh dear. This was posted on ebay.

Unforgettable Talent

This is Terry Fator, winner of America's got Talent. Who would have thought? A ventriloquist winning $1 million in a talent contest. But he is seriosuly good.

Danny Bhoy in Sydney

Danny Bhoy performing live in Sydney, Australia. Classic. He does a great take on the Australian Parliament. Enjoy.

This is not Elvis

I dont think it gets any better than this. This guy is amazing - its a star performance thats for sure. Let me know if you would like him for weddings and parties, im sure i have his contact details here somewhere...



Now, lets see how it should have been done.

Blonds have all the Fun

Or do they? Damn that door.

DeNiro and Homeland Security

Anyone who can keep a straight face while doing this is truly a gifted actor.

Presenting, Robert DeNiro.

World's Greatest Soccer Dives

I don't know if this is funny or just very very sad.

That aint no shark!

Time for another instalment from Bud Light - no, they don't sponsor this blog.

This isn't an aquarium, but they could charge an entry fee.

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches

With the Presidential election approaching, and the Bush term coming to an end, lets take a little refresher course on some great moments in Presidential speeches.

Just Monkey

yeah yeah...monkey monkey monkey, but how cute is this lil fella?

Classic Tripod

These guys really are quite clever. Gotta love the text message.

Do you work with Monkeys?

I want to work in this office. Im sticking with the money theme here. And why not? They are just so very funny.

Charlie has a Bad Habit

Apparently Charlie is trying to get his girlfriend to take up his bad habit.

How Many Passes?

This isnt the funniest thing i have ever seen, but it is really clever.

Happy Easter

It's just another regular easter at the White House.

I am the Walrus

From the master of all voices - Jim Carrey. Pure talent.

Iraqi Subtitles

Not Bad - not bad at all.



News Report From Iraq - video powered by Metacafe

Star Wars Fat Pole Kid

There is just something funny about videos with fat kids. Im not quite sure what this kid is trying to achieve with this pole. Maybe it's a Scientology mating dance. I will note however that the fat pole kid is a likely future contender for the Darwin Awards.



Now have a look what some clever person has done - a little bit of technology, and this fat kid looks like a freakin hero.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Classic scene from a classic movie. Background for those who have missed it - Steve Martin and Michael Caine are a couple of scam artists, in a competition with each other to see who can first scam $50,000 from Janet. Martin claims to be unable to walk due to the stress of seeing his fiance with another woman. The only man who could help him is the fictitious, Dr. Emil Shaufhausen, who costs $50,000 for his therapy. Enter Michael Caine.

Tom Cruise's Birthday

Tom Cruise's Scientology Birthday. Is this funny? I'm just thinking that anymore of this, and i'm going to rename this blog Friday Freakiness.

Slainte!

Happy St Patricks Day - and remember, Guinness is Good for you.

Swear Jar

I dont want to turn this blog into free advertising for Bud Light - but golly gee, they make some darn good commercials.

And Ricky Gervais

8 mins, but it is Ricky Gervais - if you like The Office or Extras, this is worth your time...

A bit of Borat

What would a funny friday site be like without a bit of Borat? This from UK's comic relief.

Act Natural

Little Frank - so well behaved, sort of...

Cold Shoulder

They say Cricket is a gentleman's game. This from an Australian v India match, one of the funniest things ive seen in a long time. A nude streaker invades the ground, pursued by a dozen or more police, only to find a stiff shoulder from Aussie batsman Andrew Symonds.

Its a Big Ad

It is a big ad - not outrageously funny - but it's big. I mean it.

Bud Light Institute 1

If it wasnt for the Bud Light Institute, where would us men be? A revised history of the 20th century.

And CSI London

Damn that ultraviolet light.

CSI Miami

All we need here is a glib one line from Horatio Cain. No need for the sunglasses, or any glasses for that matter with this suspect...

Two Chinese Boys

The orignial from the Two Chinese Boys - yes, that's really their name. This is a couple of years old - but its worth it, these guys are classic. And the Backstreet Boys aint bad either...did i really just admit that?

Bush or Bush

It's nice to see that President Bush can poke fun at himself at least once a year. That makes a change from the other 364 days where we do it.

Black President Bush

Dave Chapelle doing his best to let us know what a black President Bush would be like.

Idol Winners?

There are some people in this world you shouldn't laugh at. So whatever you do, don't laugh.

Bad Day at the Office 2

Isnt every office like this one?

Tom Cruise on Tom Cruise

Is this or isnt this Tom Cruise? Craig Ferguson doing a very decent impression of Tom Cruise on scientology. We'd show you the real Cruise video on scientology - but its just too scary...seriously.

Bright Eyes

Catherine Tate again - doing what she does best. It's because she's worth it.

Cheating Boyfriend

How cute is this girl? I mean seriously, can you blame him?

Voice Recognition

We all hate companies that use automated voice recognition don't we? This is just a great ad - hits the spot perfectly.

Danny Bhoy in Montreal

This is one for the girls...hmm, why? Well he's really good looking and really funny. What more do you need? Enjoy.

The Landlord

It's Will Ferrell - he really is classic. Good little actress too..

Happy Couple

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yes" the husband replied, "In-laws."

Uncomfortable moments

Haven't we all been here. Pardon?

Don't Get Caught

Well, don't.

What are they selling?

Just a nice drive on a Sunday afternoon.

Clever Kid

A teacher asks her class, if there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, none, they all fly away with the first gun shot.

The teacher replies, the correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.

Then Little Johnny says, I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone?

To which Little Johnny replied, the correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.

Bad Day at the Office 1

I love the people who come up with these. This is the first of the Bad Day in the Office...

Office Games

Play cool office games for points. Hey, something has to punctuate the dreariness.

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINTS

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

In a colleague's diary, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights".

Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.

Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.

The Job Interview

Poor Guy Goma - he turned up at the BBC for a job interview for a data support position, only to find himself being interviewed on air re his reaction to the Apple v Apple court case. Apparently they got the wrong "Guy" - the real expert Guy Kewney was left waiting in reception.

Still, an amazing performance by Goma - love his reaction at the start of the interview. Yet by all reports, he didnt get the position. Shame BBC, shame.

The Conductor

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother was outraged and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears him continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember there is no smoking on the train. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Sesame Streets

Umm, this isnt one for the kids. If you know what i mean. Caution - language may offend those who consider sesame street to be good family viewing.

Ever felt like this?

Such good advice...enough said.

Ticking Potter

With over 35 million views on youtube, this Harry Potter spoof must be considered to be ok - if you havent seen it, good luck in getting the song out of your head...like ever.

The Translator

Who do you call when your translator doesn't turn up? Catherine Tate of course - this is an absolute classic. Politically correct? No...but enjoy. Oh, by the way,this is not my sandwich.

Office Sports

Well, wouldnt we all like to try this? I like the guy on the bike - does he double as the office manager? Keep an eye on the non active office staff - paying no attention at all!