St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, 'I don't really see that you ever really did anything great in your life, but I don't see anything really bad either.'
'Tell you what,' St. Peter says. 'If you can tell me of one REALLY good deed you did in your life, I'll let you in.'
The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'OK, well there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em torturing this woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members formed a circle around me.
'So, I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron,' the guy says. 'Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you all a lesson in pain!'
St. Peter, duly impressed, says 'Wow! When did this happen?'
'Just a couple of minutes ago.'